Zaman Kegemilangan Prez Dee

This is a satire, much like onion.com. Read with caution, and some humor.

 

After the stunning success of yesterday’s event, there is one question that lingers on everyone’s mind: Is this the best era ever in the history of MASA OSU? In fact, there is already an ongoing small talk around saying that this is the Zaman Kegemilangan Prez Dee, loosely translated as ‘the glory days of Prez Dee.’ It all started one fine morning as Chua Syn Dee, the flamboyant president of MASA OSU fondly known as Prez Dee, was typing the agenda for her exco meeting. Suddenly, as if struck by the soul of Sultan Mahmud Shah, she rotated on her chair with arms upward, burst into an evil laughter and proclaimed, “This is zaman kegemilangan Prez Dee! Hahahahaha!!” We interviewed her housemates to find out what happened on that day. “I was there at that historical moment. I knew it then that I was part of a very special moment.” May Lim said.

 

And she was right. Since Prez Dee ascended to the throne (gathering over 99.9% of the votes in an election against Mr. No Opponent), MASA OSU has organized over 30 meetings, activities and events.[1] Seriously, no kidding. Even the exco themselves were shocked when we tabulated everything into excel. Treasurer Brian Loh said “We never thought we will be this hardworking.” MASA OSU has formed unprecedented networking with Education Malaysia Washington DC, the embassy and other MASAs in the United States, culminating in the visit of the Deputy Prime Minister in Columbus and two visits by EM to our events. Participation from the members has increased tremendously as well, though the “Malaysian timing” disease has yet to be cured. Secretary Liyana Nayan explained, “We have big events that drew between 80-120 people and small ones that are attended by at least 20, 30 people. It helps that we have more and more awesome members every semester, which also means more food when we have potluck. That is all I care about.”

A quick look at Prez Dee’s Facebook profile revealed clues as to how she managed to be so successful. Donned in a striking white chef costume (she preferred to call it ‘uniform’), she wields a 10-inch parang. Anyone who has the audacity to even think of trying to mess with her would have been scared away. Conspiracy theorists have speculated whether her passion in horse riding (if you notice, her Facebook url is Horsewhips) also contributed to her passionate leadership. Her vice-president, Sherlock Ooi deduced that “She likes horses. MASA is like her most beloved horse. She rides it with passion towards glory.”

And this leads to the next big question: Who will take care of the horse after she leaves?

Indeed, it will be a big task for her successor to sustain the glory days. However, Prez Dee expressed confidence that the next exco would be able to continue the good work. “MASA has so many talents and people with potential. It’s very, very encouraging to see them stepping up and taking active roles in MASA.” Asked if she would love to be the Eternal President of MASA, much like the North Korean leaders, Prez Dee has this to say: “I love MASA but we have a constitution and it is good to give opportunity to new people to lead.” Prez Dee also reflected on her long year, saying that “we have so much opportunities and ideas. Couldn’t do it all unfortunately, but I enjoy all the time I spend with my awesome exco. It helps greatly that the exco are/became a bunch of good friends. One more thing before I mark this paper (Prez Dee is a TA and she was grading Keith Tio’s paper at press time), I hope to build more unity in MASA before I leave and I’ve been trying to learn names of the new Malaysians.”

With just slightly over two months left for her term, Zaman Kegemilangan Prez Dee is coming to an end. It is not a coincidence that she is ending her era in the year of the Horse (according to the Chinese calendar). She has consulted her trusted Feng Shui master, Harry Lew, and her mentor, Tan Wei Jian, before she ran for presidency and they said she will flourish if she chooses the right timing. And she couldn’t have chosen any better. In the little time remaining, she will ride her favorite horse towards sunset. Towards glory.

-KH